quacky: —–+—+—–

You have to watch this advertisement for Pall Mall cigarettes from 1955. It is excellent.

The first thing that leaps out at me, is how the announcer guy rhymes “Pall Mall” with “gal pal.”

It just gets better from that point onward.

Bull breaks loose at State Fair, rams fire hydrant and dies

The bull hit the fire hydrant and fell dead next to it, just across the street from the popular all-you-can-drink milk booth…

Unfortunately it is unknown at this time whether the impact of the charging bull busted open the fire hydrant, geysering the bull carcass sky high above the heads of milk-thirsty fair-goers. But it totally should have. And then an anvil would drop on its head…

Another survey about food. This one took about thirteen hours to complete (because I’m trying to look like I’m actually working) and I earned twelve dollars American. What you have to do to understand the oddness of this item is to silently remind yourself for each line or criterion, by saying “fresh fruit” before it. So, the first line or criterion reads, silently to yourself, “Fresh Fruit, Is Wholesome.”

Completely!

Please check a box next to each statement to show how much you think that statement describes Fresh Fruit.
Please select one answer only per statement:
	
	Not at all	Only a little	Somewhat	Very well	Completely
Is Wholesome
Is Healthy
Is Fresh
Fills you up
Has a taste/texture that I crave
Is one of my family’s favorites
Is a great start for the day
Can carry it with you to eat where you want to
Easy to prepare
Serving it shows others that I care for them
Reminds me of my childhood
Gives me the energy I need for the day
Has packaging that is easy to use
Looks Fresh
Is a good value for the money
Is a product I trust
Has consistently high quality ingredients
Is a product my kids like
Is only for special occasions
Is comforting
Provides a hot and filling breakfast
Provides a more complete breakfast
Is a product for everyday

pampernaut

i’m not sure what the futures are for this term. We’ll just have to wait it out.

0825071157.jpg,
originally uploaded by Quacky.

I have nothing to add, except maybe “better library”

Holdups™ Refrigerator Wine Bottle Holder

I saw this neat-O fridge add-on a couple weeks ago on Kitchen Gadgets.com, and it’s since come way down in price. I can’t really feel comfortable spending less than five dollars at a relatively unknown online retailer I’ve never heard of, just because I don’t like to have a billion different credit cards on file with all my contact information and shit.

So, my next move was to search for the thing on a larger online retailer I’m more comfortable with. I realize saying I’m “comfortable with Amazon.com” is a little bit like saying I’m __________ with ____________, but that’s another topic entirely.

Anyways, if you do a search for wine bottle holder you can find a lot of really funny and odd products for sale. Sarcastic commentary is left as an exercise for the reader.

“bottle not included”
for the LAF gang	Zack 20537 BOA bottle holder Stainless Steel Will enhance your Kitchen Create Culinary Delights with this Great item
. . . !

so this afternoon I’m doing another one of these surveys I’ve talked about. it kind of makes me feel like the American attitudes and general approach to food is really fucked up and sad. Here’s just one sample question.

Below you will see a list of statements that have to do with the last time you were eating out or ordering takeout. Please indicate to what extent you either agree or disagree with each statement. [ ranked on a scale from Agree a lot to Disagree a lot

• I ate while doing something else (working, talking on the phone, walking, driving, etc.)
• I wanted to eat something that reminded me of my childhood
• I wanted to eat something familiar and that I know I like
• I felt it was important to maintain a healthy diet
• I ate what I wanted to eat, even though it may not have been good for me
• I wanted to eat somewhere that I could catch up with family
• I wanted to eat something that brought back a memory
• I wanted a place that had a lot of different options
• I was concerned with my overall well-being
• I wanted to eat something “sinful”
• I wanted to eat a take-out meal that wasn’t fast food
• I wanted a really good cup of coffee with my meal
• I wanted to eat comfort food
• I needed to choose something that I could eat on the run
• I ate something indulgent to make myself happy

Unfortunate (Sexual) Things About Being a Man
When a woman has an uncontrollable desire to have sex all the time at the expense of her hygiene, safety, and personal health, we call it “nymphomania.” When a man experiences the same thing, we call it “Tuesday.”

Apparently this should be on tee vee sometime the beginning of 08. Hopefully the world doesn’t become like this by that time, on account of, i dunno, total economic collapse or something.

Also good for a headspin is a little one called Space War. Both of these animated works are from the talented, and no doubt very very sexy, ChristyKaracas. Ooops. This just in, it’s a dude.

So my dad gave us a wonderful cookbook for our wedding. It’s called Feeding the Flock : First Baptist Church, Cokato, Minnesota, 1871-2007. Please, if you are a Library of Congress person, forgive my title punctuation.

It’s full of many wonderful recipes and cuisine examples from around the globe. All made by and for some of the jolliest Minnesotans you’ll ever find. This is not health food or hifalutin restaurant food you’d find in “the cities.” This is two cans of soup, one grocery store in town that only has lettuce six months out of the year, handed down from great, great, great Aunt Betty Crocker for generations, food.

I’ll be featuring some of them here, as I find them, or as we try to prepare them, laced with my acerbic commentary of course. All spelling/grammar peculiarities are as found. First up:

South Of The Border Wiennie Lotta

3 lbs. ground beef
2 lg. light. red kidney beans [ i can only assume she means cans ]
2 (10 1/2 oz.) tomato soup
1 lg. can tomato paste [ not sure how large ]
1 (29-oz.) can diced tomatoes
1 c. chopped onion
1 c. chopped celery
1 c. green pepper, chopped
Seasonings of your choice [ this demands some clever cookery! ]
1 pkg. flour tortillas [ do they only have the one size at Gary’s Grocery Mart? ]
1 lb. hot dogs
3 c. grated cheddar cheese

Fry ground beef [ I’m assuming, the way you would for tacos? ]. Drain and put into 5-quart pan [ probably not my glass-lid Calphalon 5-qt. chef’s sautee, I’m guessing. Maybe a baking pan? ]. Add beans, tomato soup, tomato paste, diced tomatoes, onion, celery pepper and seasonings. Stir together. Cook 2 hours [ Whoa. Maybe this actually is a stovetop thing, sorta like chilli? ] Using 9x13-inch pan, put layer of chili in pan [ wtf, is this ‘chili’ or ‘lotta’? ], layer of tortillas on top. Layer of chili, half of wieners cut up, 1/3 of the cheese on wieners. Repeat layers until pan is full [ aww crap, I wish I could start over! I didn’t save enough of the chili to do very many layers! ]
Bake at 325F for 45 minutes to 1 hour. Put foil loosely over top while baking.

[ NOTE: this recipe is proof that you should always read a recipe through to the end before starting, because the cook/recipe transcriptionist might throw you a loop at the end or in the middle that changes the course of the whole thing, and if you’re not ready for it, you could end up in a whole ‘lotta’ trouble! ]

the really cool thing about going “all-inclusive” is it’s like Booze Camp.

We’re back, and better than ever!!
It’s the new and improved Mr&Mrs Quacky!